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Mission

English: Ralph_Waldo_Emerson (American philoso...
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“What lies behind us, and what lies
before us are small matters
compared to what lies within us.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

What’s good guys and gals! My name is Sam A.K.A. SammyScoops. That kinda became my nickname in part because I stay askin’ why, and for me it’s a point of pride, never losing that childlike curiosity and zest for life as a result of too much adulting.

For as long as I can remember, my mouth has gotten me into more trouble than I could ever possibly keep track of. At least I’ve matured a bit through the years, thankfully so (in my ripe old age of 26), shit that makes me feel old, and it kind of makes me wonder, wtf…I can’t believe I’ve been puttering around on this thing for that long already, this past October, I just turned 31.

For as long as I can remember, my mouth, or my inability regulate it, in a classic example of creation quickly becoming problematic for its creator situation (A.I. anyone?), and that’s by a wide margin…there’s nothing else even in the same ballpark.  Major League of just one.  All others are still trying to elevate themselves from the practice field and onto the game field to finally be able to play with the game ball, making things interesting for the first time in quite a while.

Damn…just kinda mindfucked myself by bringing up my smart mouth’s penchant for bringing me trouble, of the unnecessary variety, though, ultimately isn’t it all just a wee bit on the unnecessary side, just a tad, or maybe a smidge?  No?  Well apparently, I would have to agree with you, at least the side of myself that acts unconsciously and runs on pure instinct would, because I stay adding degrees of difficulty to my shit like an Olympic-caliber gymnast, or diver, in search of that elusive perfect 10, despite knowing full well what a fools-errand feels like, and this my friends, fits the bill.

But this time will be different, you’ll see

Believe it or not (I know, it’s tough sometimes…my reputation precedes me), I’ve matured a lot, in a lot of ways over the years.  In other areas, not so much, I know that sometimes I’m still nucking futs in ways that can be both good and bad, depending almost entirely upon circumstance; the why, who, when, where, what was going on at that “given moment” though I hate that expression, because moments aren’t given, or guaranteed to any of us, if anything they’re taken, and too soon at that.

 This maturing was hard come by, some lessons being learned multiple times, and I’m still learning, oh well, such is life, and this school of hard knocks aint out yet.  I suppose you could call it accidental adulting if you felt the need to call it anything other than what it is, though the accidental bit pretty well hits the nail on the head as far as I’m concerned, which I’m not.

One thing I’ve really taken to the heart it’s that you can’t change the past, and as much as you think you would want to, you probably wouldn’t because then you wouldn’t be you anymore, you’d be something or someone else.

If I had gone back in time and “fixed” all my “whoopsiedaisies”, I don’t know what my life would look like, but I could tell you what wouldn’t be happening.  i wouldn’t be on this thing feeling the need to unload what’s been eatin me off my chest occasionally, I wouldn’t have the same perspective, the same insight, or possess the same wisdom which I do now, because it’s the kind you can only really get the hard way which makes it that much more valuable in my eyes personally.

If nothing else, please, take that nugget of wisdom with you.  You can’t change your past, no matter how hard you try, or try concentrating on it, no law of attraction is strong enough to undo time, believe me, I’ve tried, and I’ve tried, and I’ve cursed each and every higher power potentially in this world, or beyond, to no avail

 I tried so damn much I can honestly say, for the most part, I’ve wasted the past 3 years since graduating from college in the noble pursuit of beating myself up about how I finished that last semester.  It’s still a source of great shame for me, but that didn’t prevent me from watching 3 quickly become 8 before I got my ass in gear and opted to do something about it.

Those are 3, make it 8 years now, I’m never getting back, 8 years wasted, very nearly, in their totality, and not for some epic adventure, like backpacking the known world, or sailing around it, or starting a family, or taking a stand against the forces of tyranny.

Nope….just time wasted trying to squeeze one last life lesson from a long since dried out lemon…no more lemonade for the likes of you… a rock you may as well have been trying to squeeze water from.  It

You’d have better luck trying to squeeze water from a rock in the middle of the mojave desert and its natural scorched earth policy. It aint comin, the scornful sun has long since taken whatever moisture it was left and kept it for itself.

What a bummer, I’m parched.

I just have to pause momentarily, maybe even repeat my damn self.

“I AM NEVER GETTING THAT TIME BACK”

There that’s better. Feels good to just have it out there. Like saying it is some sort of affirmation should make me feel more embarrassed and more driven. I wasted 3 years cause I didn’t finish up to my own high standards for myself, and instead of using it to motivate myself to the next level, I used it as proof I wasn’t good enough, as a method to hold myself back, because, for the longest time,  I was too scared to take a chance, and spent the next 5 years after that growing comfortable in my complacency and spinning my wheels instead of getting my shit done and handled.

I could sit here and make this blog about how I’ve had a hard life or how I’m different from anybody else, everybody else, but I won’t, it wasn’t and I’m not any different than you, or any other Tom, Dick, and Harry and that’s why I write this thing.  
 
If I can Shawshank it and climb through a river of shit and come out of it on the other side a free man, anyone can.  I truly and firmly believe we are all capable of both great and horrible things we are the only thing which limits ourselves in either direction, and we’d all do well not to forget that either. 
 
AND CUT: END SCENE 1
 
Pt.2
 

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Just a regular guy searching for the meaning of it all.

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