Im a Lover, Not a Fighter:

Isn’t it crazy how these old sayings still hold so true today, even in a modern world far different from what their creators could have possibly imagined. I have found this quote to be true on so many levels.  It is always the things you need most that you are the most reluctant to do, and applies equally well across almost all areas of your life.
  •  Relationships;  it is always the person you care the most about or have the deepest feelings for that can hurt you most. When you really care about somebody all your feelings and emotions intensify (even the bad ones).  Personally, I know that my girlfriend and I have had some doozies, but thats only because we both really care.
  • Fitness;  When I wasn’t basically a cripple, and could use my left arm without pain, I went to the gym regularly to stay in good health.  As I became more serious about my workout routines I noticed that I regularly found cause to avoid my leg day when lifting and cardio in general.  We enjoy doing the exercises that we’re good at because they make us feel good about ourselves, but we can’t truly push ourselves unless we make time for the ones that leave us burnin the next day.
  • Learning;  Personally, I effin hate sucking at something.  Like seriously, lightweight hardcore no joke major paralysing phobia of mine. This fear is what kept me from doing many things in my life until the time I finally did.  In each instance after doing it, I thought back to myself…..”What the fuck was I waiting for?”.  The things we avoid learning about most are probably the areas we are most lacking in understanding.
  • Putting Yourself Out There; I know I’m not alone on this one, but public speaking is a huge fear of mine, as is rejection. Starting this blog was a major step for me (and thank you all for being a part of it)!  This always surprises friends of mine because I am usually very outgoing and make friends easily; I am also very loud and usually end up being the life of the party through no intentions of my own.  To that all I can say is; I’m a complex guy what can I say [shrug] .
  • Applying Yourself;  Before you even try to say it; I know, I know, I know!  Its basically an extension of the last one.  That being said, I feel like it is one that I have struggled with for a long time.  I habitually dont push myself enough future wise.  I am (or was?) at a job I’ve had since I was 16.  I’m good at it, really good, like insanely good, but when I really think about it, I can’t deny the fact I know I am not only am capable of much more, but it should have happened a long time ago.  It is a job that has always been easy for me, even when switching between departments or stores, almost too easy, effortless in a way.  Because it is insanely easy for me I have always been able to come in after partying too hard, studying all night for a final, half asleep, half awake, you name it; the second I punched the time clock my brain was on hibernate mode.  Being completely serious, I think I use maybe 10% of my brain when I’m there; I may as well be asleep.  No matter how many times I told myself, or everyone else for that matter, “that was it”, or “I’ve had it”, or “I’m quitting”; I always stayed.  It was the fear of rejection, also the ever present fear of “suck”, that kept me from even applying at all in many cases.  You can’t get rejected if you never give it a shot right?  I can’t help thinking of the following poem when that thought crosses my mind because it is one of my favorites;

Our Greatest FearMarianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

I know I’m just barely scratching the surface on these & really the possibilities are endless, BUT; I don’t got all day and neither do you.  When looking at each of these, I realize that the temporary discomfort and anxiety is nothing compared to the long term rewards they each have given me.
On the flip side;  All the things that I do or have done without thought or concern have either given me nothing or gotten me in trouble.  It is always easy to make a negative choice, almost becoming compulsive once you’ve done it once or twice.  It is even easier to then turn around and deny any sort of responsibility or concern explaining everything away as ignorance, unintentional, or outright false.  But when its all said and done, it gets you nowhere, makes you miserable and takes up way more energy than you realize.  I personally have been guilty of looking back at my life and blaming others for my situation, building up resentment and even hate as a result (as are you I’m sure).  It is far more difficult to look back and forgive those who have wronged you, and take responsibility and control for your actions; past, present, and future.
And now its your turn!  I’d like to hear from you; Am I off base or more on point? Is your list similar to mine? Different? If so, how?  Did I leave anything off?  Please, share any personal experiences or examples you may have relating to this, I’m just generally curious if we are of the same mind, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you have to say!
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