This Takes Some Getting Used To

I don’t think that I have ever felt so worthless as I do now. I generally feel like a disgrace to humanity. This being off work is starting to seriously eat at me. I’ve began meaningful relationships with the spiders in my apartment, only to fatally stab them in the back in a fit of rage (more like a cleaning frenzy, but who’s counting?), re-enacting one of the daytime “programs”.  Ohhh the programs, you mustn’t forget the programs.  You know, the ones you love to hate and hate to love, like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie frenemies to the bitter end.  A fatally depraved showing of one upmanship.
 You know it’s bad
when you in all seriousness refer to your apartment as the Batcave.

When bathing or getting dressed reaches that uncomfortable medium, somewhere in limbo between noteworthy event, and outright spectator sport.  Each cycle of lather rinse repeat is worthy of noting on your personal calendar or worse yet

SCRAPBOOK.—– Let’s CELEBRATE, ARRRRRIIIIBBBBA!!!

Im in deep with a bookie,

I recently took up a bet with myself.  A bet born the bastard child of boredom and depression, to see how long I could go without bathing. I topped out at three days or so, and I swear I could have gone more if it weren’t for the confounded humidity. It was all over as soon as I could smell my own balls when I sat down on the couch.

GAME OVER:

Apparently Even I Have to Draw the Line Somewhere. I can no longer say with conviction that my depravity holds no bounds.

to be continued…

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “This Takes Some Getting Used To”

  1. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but certainly you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

    Like

  2. Oh man, it really sucks being off work. I hope you’ll be feeling better soon. Just think about all of the things that you’d prefer to be doing when you are at work but wish you weren’t… maybe you’ll find something random that you can indulge in from home. You know, like setting a mini game of spider football… depending on how big they are, you could use a Malteaser for a ball or something… 🙂

    Like

Questions Comments Snide Remarks?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s